CareCreds
Changing your Frame of Mind

Dealing with Personality Problems

Getting into the Right Frame of mind

                                 

                      Personality is like the skin of your mind, and staying in the right frame of mind 

can determine not only how we feel but can also influence our thoughts and behaviour.

To us, our different mood states seem to arise spontaneously and are not a matter of choice.

However on reflection we can recognize when we are in an inappropriate frame of mind.

Changing this will help restore our inner calm. Indeed doing so is a key way of reducing

the feeing of addiction. It is helpful to realize that it is our moods and frames of mind that create

our sense of identity. Despite our internal belief that we are always just "one personality"

we may in fact unconsciously adopt quite different "personalities" when doing our private

thinking or interact with different people. These personalities are complex  "social performances"

 that all minds develop in the course of their development. They are like a series of masks

that act as protective disguises. Severe emotional disappointment and trauma is the common

cause of us developing troublesome personality states that are typically non-cooperative.  

 It is  as if we have a persistent need to solve the emotional problems we experienced when

any damage originally occurred. Often trivial events or words can trigger this off. We then

 return and feel marooned on a "roundabout of obsessively negative thinking and feeling".

This vicious circle of inappropriate thinking upsets our feelings then our upset feelings trigger

 us into further negative thoughts.

 

Personality Difficulties

                    This uncooperative state is the basis of personality disorder.  It is very difficult

to even recognize the presence a disordered personality state let alone escape from it.

A useful starting point is to ask yourself the question "Is my behaviour helpful for others?"

(However colluding in harmful behaviour, like addiction, must not be confused with being

constructively collaborative.  

                            It is then valuable to recognize that a lot of bad behaviour is a damaged

personality's response to hidden fears, like jealousy etc. Addictive behaviour for example

often arises as a relief for the stress caused by relationship failure. While it may be

understandable to indulge in escapist activities, this ultimately makes things worse.

Our private thoughts and conversations with others can reinforce or trigger wrong

 personality states. This is the basis of most pointless and damaging rows. A much

more effective policy is to do our best to regain our calm frame of mind while ignoring

any bad behaviour directed at us by others. Being unthreatening and changing the topic

 of conversation will help everyone stop stressing each other.

                          CareCreds earning is designed  to foster constructive rather than critical

 behaviour.  We recommend that the first step should be to pause and quickly try change

into a better frame of mind then go on to understand how to avoid ones own inappropriate

personality states. Realizing that others, with very bad addiction, have succeeded, is

encouraging but success usually requires regular practice to develop new habits of life.

 

Keeping Calm safely

                    As well as getting back into the right frame of mind quickly, it is also important

to learn a safe and inexpensive way of remaining calm.  Listening to calm music is very useful.

 It is also helpful to generate more "Oxytocin". This is the hormone that naturally induces calm

 and trust. It can be generated most easily by "hands on" (skin to skin contact) e.g. by cuddling

 or stroking a pet. Interestingly, giving someone else a massage, is as effective at increasing

 your own Oxytocin, as receiving one. (e.g. Indian Head massage.)

                     Sadly some of us have biochemical tendencies to become much more severely

addicted than others; probably epigenetic problems that differ with different substances and

 different behaviours. Tobacco, Alcohol and Food addiction, for example, are very common.

However because CareCreds work by re-establishing a lifestyle that stabilizes moods,  

Earning them will benefit all sorts of addiction and reduce the psychosocial problems that

make them worse. Below is a simple series of questions.If you answer "yes" to most of these 

that as well as coping with your addiction you may need help with personality difficulties.

  

Personality problems questionnaire
 
1. Have bad things been done to you?
 
If yes were these things 
 
A) Physical abuse e.g. Beatings? 
 
B) Mental abuse e.g. Neglect? 
 
C) Sexual abuse? 
 
Do you have the urge to do the same or worse to others?
 
Have you actually done such things to others?
 
Do you now feel so ashamed that you now feel "the real you" is unloveable?
 
 
Do you often think about these things and blame yourself?
 
Do you never really feel guilt when others think you should feel it?
 
 
Do you now find it hard to have caring feelings for yourself or others?
 
 
Do you fear that you can never forget and lead a completely new life?