Getting into the Right Frame of mind
Personality is like the skin of your mind,
and staying in the right frame of mind
can determine not only how we feel but can also influence our thoughts and behaviour.
To us, our different mood states
seem to arise spontaneously and are not a matter of choice.
However on reflection we can recognize when we are in an inappropriate frame
this will help restore our inner calm. Indeed doing so is a key way of reducing
the feeing of addiction. It is helpful to realize that it is
our moods and frames of mind that create
our sense of identity. Despite our internal belief that we are always just "one personality"
we may in fact
unconsciously adopt quite different "personalities" when doing our private
thinking or interact with different people. These personalities
are complex "social performances"
that all minds develop in the course of their development. They are like a series of masks
that act as protective
disguises. Severe emotional disappointment and trauma is the common
cause of us developing troublesome personality states that are typically non-cooperative.
is as if we have a persistent need to solve the emotional problems we experienced when
any damage originally occurred. Often trivial events or words
can trigger this off. We then
return and feel marooned on a "roundabout of obsessively negative thinking and feeling".
This vicious circle of inappropriate
thinking upsets our feelings then our upset feelings trigger
us into further negative thoughts.
This uncooperative state is the basis of personality disorder. It is very difficult
to even recognize the presence a disordered personality state
let alone escape from it.
A useful starting point is to ask yourself the question "Is my behaviour helpful for others?"
(However colluding in harmful
behaviour, like addiction, must not be confused with being
It is then valuable to recognize that a lot of bad behaviour is a damaged
personality's response to hidden fears, like jealousy etc. Addictive
behaviour for example
arises as a relief for the stress caused by relationship failure. While it may be
understandable to indulge in escapist activities, this ultimately
makes things worse.
private thoughts and conversations with others can reinforce or trigger wrong
personality states. This is the basis of most pointless
and damaging rows. A much
effective policy is to do our best to regain our calm frame of mind while ignoring
any bad behaviour
directed at us by others. Being unthreatening and changing the topic
of conversation will help everyone stop stressing each other.
CareCreds earning is designed to foster constructive rather than critical
behaviour. We recommend that the first step should
be to pause and quickly try change
into a better frame of mind then go on to understand how to avoid ones own inappropriate
Realizing that others, with very bad addiction, have succeeded, is
encouraging but success usually requires regular practice to develop new habits
Keeping Calm safely
As well as getting back into the right frame of mind quickly, it is also
learn a safe and inexpensive way of remaining calm. Listening to calm music is very useful.
It is also helpful to generate
more "Oxytocin". This is the hormone that naturally induces calm
and trust. It can be generated most easily by "hands
on" (skin to skin contact) e.g. by cuddling
or stroking a pet. Interestingly, giving someone else a massage, is as effective at increasing
your own Oxytocin, as receiving
one. (e.g. Indian Head massage.)
Sadly some of us have biochemical tendencies to become much more severely
addicted than others; probably epigenetic problems that differ with different substances
behaviours. Tobacco, Alcohol and Food addiction, for example, are very common.
However because CareCreds work by re-establishing a lifestyle
that stabilizes moods,
Earning them will benefit all sorts of addiction and reduce the psychosocial problems that
make them worse. Below is a simple
series of questions.If you answer "yes" to most of these
that as well as coping with your addiction you may need help with personality difficulties.
|Personality problems questionnaire |
|1. Have bad things been done to you?
yes were these things |
|A) Physical abuse e.g. Beatings? |
|B) Mental abuse e.g. Neglect?
Sexual abuse? |
|Do you have the urge to do the same or worse to others? |
|Have you actually done such things to
|Do you now feel so ashamed that you now feel "the real you" is unloveable? |
you often think about these things and blame yourself? |
|Do you never really feel guilt when others think you should feel
|Do you now find it hard to have caring feelings for yourself
or others? |
|Do you fear that you can never forget and lead a completely new life? |